One of my DS13’s favorite attractions is the Monster’s Inc Laugh Floor Comedy Club, or the Laugh Floor as we call it. He always bring a new joke already preprared to text to the number that they provide on the screen during the pre-show. He’s successful about 70% of the time in getting his joke told by the character on screen. It gives him a real gut laugh to hear his joke.
Perhaps your child loves humor as well, but doesn’t have a good joke handy? How can he or she have their name mentioned on screen? After reviewing the list below, do YOU have a good (clean, child-friendly) joke that you’d like to add? Just post it in the comments below!
THE LIST:
| The Joke | The Answer | |
| 1 | A man walks into a bar … | Ouch! |
| 2 | A Storm trooper is making dinner. His son says “What are we having for dinner, Dad?” His dad says “Wookie steak.” “But is it any good?” | Dad says “Yeah, but it’s a little chewy.”! |
| 3 | A tennis ball goes into a bar. The bartender says, “we don’t serve your kind in here.” … | The tennis ball says, Fine! I’ll see you in court! |
| 4 | And why didn’t Nala trust Simba? | Because he was the Lie-ing King! |
| 5 | Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? | Two suckers got licked! |
| 6 | Do you pronounce the capitol of Florida ME-ami or MY- ami? | Neither, it’s Tallahassee ! |
| 7 | How do 101 Dalmatians cook? | With spots & pans! |
| 8 | How do snowmen get around? | By icicle! |
| 9 | How do you fix a broken pizza? | Tomato paste! |
| 10 | How do you get a tissue to dance? | Put a little boogie in it! |
| 11 | How do you wake up lady gaga? | P p p Poke her face! (poker face) |
| 12 | How does Ariel get out of the ocean? | Wet! |
| 13 | How does Justin Bieber cry? | Like a baby baby baby oooooh baby! |
| 14 | How much do pirates pay to have their ears pierced? | A buck-an-ear! |
| 15 | How often do I love chemistry jokes? | Periodically! |
| 16 | Knock knock who’s there? Dwayne. | Dwayne (drain) the tub I’m drowning! |
| 17 | Knock knock! Who’s there? | Ya. Ya Who? Don’t get too excited, it’s only a knock knock joke! |
| 18 | Knock knock, who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock, who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock, who’s there? Orange. Orange who? | Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?! |
| 19 | Knock knock. Who’s there? Brittany spears. Brittany spears who? Knock knock who’s there? Brittany spears. Brittany spears WHO? | Oops I did it again! |
| 20 | Knock knock. Who’s there? Owls. Owls who? | Why yes they do! |
| 21 | Knock knock. Who’s there? The interrupting cow. | The interrupting cow w… MOOOOOO! |
| 22 | Knock knock. Who’s there? Who. Who who? Owls who. Knock knock. Who’s there? Moo. Moo who? | No owls who, cows moo! |
| 23 | Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? | You’re welcome! |
| 24 | The one armed fisherman caught a fish this big… | Then hold up one hand to show size! |
| 25 | Two radio antenna got married… | The wedding was okay but the reception was great! |
| 26 | What civil war general wore the largest hat? | The one with the biggest head, of course! |
| 27 | What day do potatoes hate? | Friday! (Fry day ) |
| 28 | What did Delaware? | A New Jersey! |
| 29 | What did Mickey say when the sky was falling? | Donald, Duck! |
| 30 | What did one potato chip say to the other one? | Let’s go for a dip! |
| 31 | What did one volcano say to the other? | I Lava you! |
| 32 | What did Snow White say after she dropped off her film to be developed? | Someday my PRINTS will come! |
| 33 | What did Tennessee ? | The same as Arkansas ! |
| 34 | What did the Alien say to the can of Coke? | Take me to your liter! |
| 35 | What did the Mama buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he went off to school? | Bison! |
| 36 | What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? | Close the door, I’m dressing! |
| 37 | What did the water say to the boat? | Nothing, it just waved! |
| 38 | What did the zero say to the eight? | Nice belt! |
| 39 | What do monsters wear to keep their feet dry? | GHOUL-oshes! |
| 40 | What do you call a broken boomerang? | A stick! |
| 41 | What do you call a cow with no legs? | Ground beef! |
| 42 | What do you call a cow with two legs? | Lean beef! |
| 43 | What do you call a deer with no eyes? | I have no ideer! |
| 44 | What do you call a dog with no legs? | It doesn’t matter, he isn’t going to come anyway! |
| 45 | What do you call a fairy who doesn’t bathe for a year? | Stinkerbell! |
| 46 | What do you call a fish with five eyes? | A fiiiiish! |
| 47 | What do you call a fish with no eye? | Fsh! |
| 48 | What do you call a lying noodle? | An im-pasta! (Imposter) |
| 49 | What do you call a pirate who skips school? | Captain Hook-y! |
| 50 | What do you call a prehistoric monster who is sleeping? | Dinosnore! |
| 51 | What do you call a princess who does the limbo? | Limberella! |
| 52 | What do you call a robot that always takes the longest route? | R 2 Detour! |
| 53 | What do you call a train that sneezes? | A choo choo train! |
| 54 | What do you call an invisible robot? | R2-C-Thru! |
| 55 | What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? | Nacho cheese! |
| 56 | What do you call Santa’s helpers? | Subordinate Clauses! |
| 57 | What do you do with a blue monster? | Cheer him up! |
| 58 | What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks? | Dinomite! |
| 59 | What do you get when you cross a pole & a tree? | Poultry! (pole tree) |
| 60 | What do you get when you cross pooh and a skunk? | Winnie the P.U.! |
| 61 | What do you get when your radio gets wet? | Tuner-fish! |
| 62 | What does a shark eat with peanut butter? | Jellyfish! |
| 63 | What does a Trekkie hang on his door at Christmas? | The Wreath of Khan! |
| 64 | What does Winnie the Pooh and Bozo the Clown have in common? | The same middle name! |
| 65 | What is a Leprechaun’s favorite furniture? | Patty’O furniture! |
| 66 | What is a miners favorite pet? | A goldfish! |
| 67 | What is brown and sticky? | A stick! |
| 68 | What is Darth Vader’s favorite Disney song? | When You Wish Upon a Death Star! |
| 69 | What is Grumpy’s favorite fruit? | Sour grapes! |
| 70 | What is the difference between broccoli and boogers? | Kids won’t eat their broccoli! |
| 71 | What is yellow and goes slam slam slam slam? | A four door banana! |
| 72 | What kind of bees make apple juice? | Applebee’s! |
| 73 | What kind of snake do you find on your car? | A windshield viper! |
| 74 | What kind of tree can you hold in your hand? | A palm tree! |
| 75 | What kind of witch do you take to the beach? | A Sandwich! |
| 76 | What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? | A nervous wreck! |
| 77 | What princess never forgets? | Cinderellaphant! |
| 78 | What time is it when Sulley sits on your fence? | Time to get a new fence! |
| 79 | What vehicles do Disney characters drive? | Minnie-vans! |
| 80 | What was Tigger doing in the bathroom? | He was looking for pooh! |
| 81 | What’s a Zen hot dog? | One with everything! |
| 82 | What’s green and sings? | Elvis Parsley! |
| 83 | What’s the difference between Gopher and Winnie-the-Pooh? | Gopher can get out of a hole! |
| 84 | What’s the internal temperature of a taun-taun? | Luke-warm! (For all you star wars fans out there enjoy) |
| 85 | Where do lawyers eat? | At the food court! |
| 86 | Where do mermaids go to the movies? | At the dive-in! |
| 87 | Where does Ariel go when she had lost something? | The Lost and Flounder Department! |
| 88 | Where does the hamburger go to dance? | The meatball! |
| 89 | Where does the knight keep his armies? | In his sleeve-ies! |
| 90 | Where was Noah when the lights went out? | In d’ark! |
| 91 | Who was purple and conquered countries? | Alexander the Grape! |
| 92 | Who’s buried in Alexander the Grape’s tomb? | Alexander the Raisin! |
| 93 | Why are cooks mean? | Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream! |
| 94 | Why can’t an elephant use a computer? | Because he’s afraid of mice! |
| 95 | Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? | Because she always runs from the ball! |
| 96 | Why did Cinderella quit the soccer team? | She was always late to the ball! |
| 97 | Why did Donald’s foot smell? | He just stepped on Pooh! |
| 98 | Why did Goofy wear two pairs of pants when he went golfing? | Because he thought he might get a hole in one! |
| 99 | Why did Mickey cross the playground? | To get to the other slide! |
| 100 | Why did Mickey Mouse cross the road? | He wanted a mini (Minnie) vacation! |
| 101 | Why did Mickey Mouse go into outer space? | He wanted to find Pluto! |
| 102 | Why did Pluto tell a joke? | He was being Goofy! |
| 103 | Why did the animals in the jungle stop playing poker? | Too many cheat-ahs! |
| 104 | Why did the bee get married? | Finally found his hunny! |
| 105 | Why did the bicycle take a nap? | Because it was two-tired! |
| 106 | Why did the cactus cross the road? | He was stuck to the chicken’s heinie! |
| 107 | Why did the chicken cross the road twice? | He was a double crosser! |
| 108 | Why did the chicken cross the road? | To get away from Roz! She’s up on the screen, isn’t she?! |
| 109 | Why did the chicken cross the road? | To get to your house! |
| 110 | Why did the cookie go to the doctor? | Because it was feeling crumby! |
| 111 | Why did the football player go to the bank? | To get his quarter back! |
| 112 | Why did the man sleep under the car? | Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning! |
| 113 | Why did the monster cross the road? | To prove that he wasn’t a chicken! |
| 114 | Why did the mushroom go to the party? | Because he was a fungi! (fun guy) |
| 115 | Why did the pirate take his mother to the movie theater with him? | Because the movie was rated “arrrrrrrrrr”! |
| 116 | Why did the punk-rocker cross the road? | Because he was stapled to the chicken! |
| 117 | Why did the ram run off the cliff? | Because he didn’t see the ewe turn! |
| 118 | Why did the suspenders get arrested? | Because they held up a pair of pants! |
| 119 | Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? | To get to the bottom! |
| 120 | Why did the tomato blush? | Because it saw Mr. Green pea over the fence! |
| 121 | Why didn’t the banana marry the grapefruit? | Cantelope! |
| 122 | Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? | He didn’t have any guts! |
| 123 | Why didn’t Winnie the Pooh finish his dinner? | Because he was stuffed! |
| 124 | Why do bananas wear sunscreen? | Because they peel! |
| 125 | Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? | Because they have a lot of spirit! |
| 126 | Why do humming birds hum? | Because they don’t know the words! |
| 127 | Why do sea gulls live by the sea? | Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bay gulls! (bagels) |
| 128 | Why do some people regularly re-read The Lord of the Rings? | It becomes a hobbit! |
| 129 | Why does it smell funny in here? | Oh someone told a joke! |
| 130 | Why does Peter pan fly everywhere he goes? | He can never never land! |
| 131 | Why does Santa have a garden? | Because he likes to Hoe, Hoe, Hoe! |
| 132 | Why is 6 afraid of 7? | Because 7 8 9! |
| 133 | Why is Cinderella bad at sports? | She has a pumpkin for a coach! |
| 134 | Why shouldn’t you tell a joke while skating? | The ice might crack up! |
| 135 | Why was it so windy at the hockey game? | Because of all the fans! |
| 136 | Why was the rock mad at his friends? | They took him for granite! |
| 137 | Will February March? | No, but April May before June! |
Can you yodel? (if no) I have a joke: knock knock, who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Hey, you can yodel!
[…] love this attraction because it’s full of corny jokes, just like me! Here’s a few Laugh Floor jokes you can try when you visit. Feel free to add a few to the […]
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[…] Great Laugh Floor Comedy Club Jokes […]
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What stands in a field and says “oooo”? A cow with no lips!
Didn’t notice this in the list. This is one I submitted:
Where do cows go on a first date?….
To the mooo-vies.
Read the thread. This was a great idea. Good on ya! Have a good one.